ARE YOU AND INTERNAL OR AN EXTERNAL PERSON ????

In 1966 J.B Rotter, a psychologist, was researching the idea of Locus of Control and the effect it had on people. In brief if someone has an external locus of control they feel that they are not in control of their lives - that 'luck' or 'life' or 'fate' dictates what happens to them . Whereas people who have an internal locus of control believe that what happens to them is dependant on them and their actions and choices.

He found that their was a direct link between those who had an external locus of control and depression. Its easy to see why this would be the case. If we feel that something or someone has control of our lives then we are helpless to help ourselves and therefore cannot prevent bad things happening to us, and if our lives are spent helplessly drifting, fearful of whats coming next then obviously that's not a happy place to be. In addition if we feel we are not in control then we cannot change anything - especially the negatives in life.

By contrast if we make ourselves responsible for what happens to us then we can change what we don't like. Failure just becomes a learning curve, problems can be overcome as soon as we find the right solution, disappointments temporary and life to be changed and directed to where we want to be.

J.B Rotter developed a test (which can easily be found on the Internet) to rate how much of an internal/external person you are. Its useful information because there are many ways to feel empowered and become the sort of person who believes they are in control of their own destiny and (to use an old cliche) 'Life is just what you make it '.

IBS

It is estimated that 10-20% of people experience IBS in their life. Its not fatal but for sufferers it can be very painful and embarrassing. The university of Gothenberg has done recent studies which show that Hypnotism can reduce the severity of symptoms in 40 % of sufferers and the effects are long lasting.

IBS has been very linked to stress so it makes sense that using Hypnotism to destress people and reduce anxiety would help people control their IBS.  The best part is that there are lots of relaxation techniques that I teach people which they can do every day by themselves.

Being able to control anxiety and stress benefits us all so if you would like to learn how to do that then give me a call on 07500 384473.

IF YOU KNEW YOU COULDN'T FAIL ....

IF YOU KNEW YOU COULDN'T FAIL WHATS THE ONE THING YOU WOULD DO ? ..AND WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT ??

Life is full of opportunities - for all of us - so why don't we always grab them with both hands ?  Could it be because we are scared ? scared of looking an idiot ? a failure ?
So why are so many of us scared of failing ? its not so bad ! We learn as much (if not more) from failures as successes - and we have all failed at something sometime.

So what is the secret to success ?  - not being scared of failure ! As Thomas Edison said when someone asked him if he was discouraged by the 1000 + times he had failed to invent the light bulb 'I didn't fail thousands of times - I discovered thousands of ways in which it didn't work'.

Van Gogh only sold one painting in his lifetime (to his brother)
Walt Disney went broke 7 times before he became successful
Bill Gates was chucked out of Harvard
The Beetles were rejected by Decca Records as 'guitar music is on the way out'

Failure isn't the problem its when we don't even try because we have convinced ourselves that it wont work
How do you know ??  You haven't tried yet !

So.....If you knew -for certain - that you couldn't fail , whats the one thing you would love to do ..and when are you going to do it ??

Published in the Guardian

A while back I submitted an article to The Guardian magazine for their 'What am I thinking' column - and much to my excitement they have published it !
Hope you enjoy it.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/may/21/cognitive-hypnotherapist-what-really-thinking

Resilient Parenting

They never tell you the truth do they ?

Nobody ever really prepares you for the real truth – that when they hand you your little bundle of joy along with all the love, excitement and satisfaction that being a parent brings- you will also receive your bonus gifts of guilt , fear and worry. From the very first time your little darling gets pushed over by a bigger child in playgroup you will suffer -suffering by proxy I call it. Its like you have your own little voodoo doll , someone hurts your child and you feel the pain.

Ideally we parents should be able to accept this as part of life without getting it all out of proportion.- easier said than done. How many of us ,when our child is going through a rough patch , have felt that acute anxiety by the school gates ,waiting for your child to emerge ,praying that they have had a good day.

Perspective is the key – you are not your child and what hurts you may not bother them – and vice versa.  Everybody has their own model of what the world looks like and your child's will be different from yours. For example you may hate being alone but some children do need space and don't see playing by themselves as a problem . Remember that without a few falls your child would never have learnt to walk , and without problems your child will never learn resilience. Resilience is the ability to handle tough situations and to bounce back.

We are not born resilient – it is a learned skill. Younger siblings often learn resilience quickly as they have older brothers and sisters who will 'teach' them that fights ,arguments and problems pass in time. The youngest in a family is often the 'toughest' and will fight back with gusto !

In the same way when we have a child we have to re-learn a new kind of resilience – one where we teach our child how to solve their own problems otherwise they will never learn coping mechanisms. We have to learn how to communicate the positives in life to our child and remain calm and supportive . We have to learn how to listen to their problems whilst keeping them in perspective ourselves. We have to learn  to praise them for the effort even if we are acutely disappointed that they didn't succeed.

The gardeners amongst you will know that if you grow tomato seedlings on a nice warm windowsill they develop into 'leggy'  weak plants which when planted outside will wilt at the first hint of cold or strong wind . Whereas seeds planted in a cold frame, watered well, loved and cherished, but allowed to experience the odd cold spell and mild but bracing breeze grow into sturdy little plants and will flourish when planted out .

So brace yourself and remember that when your little seedling is going through a cold spell he or she is developing resilience and so are you. 

Above all its important to remember  that the perfect parent doesn't exist and if we simply offer our children unconditional love and regard and show them that we love them no matter what then we are doing pretty well – and so will they.

My first blog

I love the idea of a blog - but a blog which is about something that facinates me ...the mind and how we can change our lives for the better.Studying Cognitive Hypnotherapy and NLP at the Quest Institute in Regents College was one of the most incredible and fun years I have ever had, and marked the begining of the next phase  of my life.


Life is too short to not be who you want to be and not do what you want to do. The purpose of this blog is to enable me to pass on anything I learn or hear about that can help us do just that.

Thanks for reading - please come back again.

Lesley